Two Body Problem (orig)

As I'm sure everyone is aware, September 19 is International Talk Like a Pirate Day (except in England, where every day is talk like a pirate day).
In the event Shanna actually goes into labor on Wednesday she set the following ground rules:

1. I am only allowed to make this joke once: What's a it called when a pirate has a baby? Lab-ARRR!
2. The doula is not to be referred to as "The birthin' wench"
3. The doctor is not to be referred to as "Bones"
   
4. When it comes time to push, I am to say "Push" not "Give 'em a broadside."
   
5. Only Shanna is allowed to say "Shiver me timbers".
   
6. Failure to follow these rules will result in someone being keel hauled.